Loves and Fishes

Epiphany

2012-01-06T08:01:00.000-08:00

It's Three Kings Day. I hope the magi bring me gold, breakfast tacos, and peace of mind.

Lady yoGaGa

2012-01-05T06:50:00.000-08:00

So I decided to take up yoga again as my New Year's resolution. I made the same resolution last year. I made it to exactly one yoga class the first week of January last year, then I gave up.

This year I got a head start, I bought a Yoga magazine on New Year's Eve. I looked at the pictures in it. There were some really cute yoga clothes in there, shorts and skirts and halter tops that say OM and Find your Bliss etc.

But I'm kind of iggly and jiggly and piggly... so I'm totally not buying them until I look like this:

Which should happen any day now, since I'm all devoted to yoga, and eating right and finding my zen right?

Last night I sat down and read the yoga magazine again. I mean, it was already the 5th, and that meant 5 days of working out and meditation had already passed me by, so it was time to read and yoga and be divine right? Well, I kind of read it. Okay, I just looked at all the pictures again. Then I looked at the diagram of some cool yoga poses that will help me find the way to Nirvana. I started with Plank Pose. It said to hold it for ten breaths before moving to the next pose. Plank was really just "Start here" kind of like "GO!" on the Monopoly board. I made it to about three breaths then sat down on the floor in a heap, breathing hard, and said, "Wow, Yoga is HARD YO!" Then I complained about how hard yoga was for about ten minutes and decided to go to bed, and read my yoga magazine some more.

Maybe I'll try again tonight.

As for the eating right, well, let's just say Oreos are the new health food. As for the zen? I think I might hurl my stapler at people today... probably not going to be labeled the next Buddha anytime this afternoon.

Micro-Mini-Blog

2009-10-26T10:37:00.001-07:00

If it keeps raining like this, I fully expect an arc full of elephants to go sailing past my office.

Bloggity

2009-10-19T07:08:00.000-07:00

For the record, I probably have a half a dozen blogs started out there in the pretend universe that is the web. I don't recall them, and until I run for president or head cheerleader or something they will probably never resurface.

And, like so many bloggers today, I have nothing important to post, so I will start with a list of ten things you don't know about me.

1. When I started this blog I had an eleven year old gold fish. In the span of eleven years this fish had a half dozen names, none of which ever really stuck- we ended up just calling him Fooshy. Fooshy passed away earlier this year. Now my fishes consist of a tank of 60 inbred guppies. I am sure there will be a short stint in hell for me for allowing such a tank of vile monsters to exist.

2. I saw myself in the mirror this morning. Jiggly thighs and butt a la mode. I was highly concerned about this so I did 50 leg lifts. They made my hips hurt, and nothing looked less jiggly by the time I was done. I decided losing five pounds would be a good way to solve this problem. I was so distressed at the thought of that I had an apple empanda for breakfast. I was so distressed about having eaten sugar, lard, and apples for breakfast when I am trying to be healthier that I had a lemon bar. I was so disgusted with myself for having had the lemon bar after the apple empanda that I decided I better take a handful of vitamins. I think I might be ill.

3. I want to open an artsy shop on the "square" in my cutesy little Texas home town. I think that would be way more fun than what I currently do all day.

4. No seriously, I think I might hurl.

5. I really wish George Clooney would run for President.

6. My car is filthy.

7. I didn't do anything with my hair this morning and it is sticking out all over the place. And I didn't wear makeup. I really hope George Clooney doesn't stop by my office today.

8. I am secretly afraid of ghosts, aliens, and lima beans. Who am I kidding? I'm not secretly afraid of any of those things. I am wide out- in the open - everyone knows it- afraid of those things.

9. I am not a morning person. Not even slightly.

10. I had a crazy dream last night that I was in a Walmart being attacked by terrorists, and I am now terrified of going to Walmart, even though I need contact solution and cat food.